


Come Clean

by DGCatAniSiri



Series: Hurricane [3]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 21:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1832947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 'Arrival,' the Alliance comes calling for Shepard. He and Kaidan need to have an awkward conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Clean

**Author's Note:**

> Follows [Cascade](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1828263) and [Calm Before The Storm](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1831372) in veering WAAAAAAAY off canon. Because REALLY, it's ridiculous that Shepard and Kaidan (as well as Ashley) never speak in person between Horizon and the prologue of ME3.

“ _Commander?_ ” Joker’s voice interrupted Shepard’s sleep. Not that he didn’t welcome it. Batarian faces had been invading all of his dreams ever since the Alpha Relay’s destruction. Shepard hadn’t had a restful night’s sleep in a good week, longer if you counted the time leading up to what had happened in the Bahak system, Tela Vasir’s accusing words rattling around in the back of his mind, making him wonder if she’d been right. 

Shepard fumbled around in the dark for a moment before EDI generously upped the lighting slightly, just enough to see, not to blind, for him to flip the switch and open the communication line. “What is it Joker?”

“ _Uh, Commander... An Alliance shuttle just came up on our sensors, sending us a hail. They’re saying that they have an Alliance rep on board. I’m thinking this has something to do with..._ ” Joker couldn’t even bring himself to say it. 

Shepard had been expecting this, waiting for it. It was inevitable that the batarians would want blood for the deaths of three hundred thousand of their own, and the Alliance brass were going to serve Shepard to them in appeasement. There might even be a silver plate involved, given his ‘ties’ to Cerberus and the Alliance’s desire to distance themselves from the terrorist organization.

Knowing that he couldn’t avoid this, he sighed. “Understood, Joker. Have Miranda, Jacob, and Garrus meet me down in the bay.” Miranda was his XO, in Shepard’s eyes these days, rather than just being a self-assigned role. Jacob was former Alliance. And Garrus was coming along to emphasis that he wasn’t Cerberus. Shepard knew that Grunt would be watching from his observation bay in plain sight, and Tali would likely be skittering around the engines and likely to come to one of the storage bays on the hanger for something, but he wanted a non-human directly alongside him as a symbolic gesture of how Cerberus believed in human dominance and Shepard was interested in cooperation. 

Funny how his life had come to thinking in such metaphoric terms.

His team was waiting for him to arrive. “Did they say who this rep is?” Jacob murmured to Miranda.

“Didn’t say. Couple of possibilities, though...” She trailed off as Shepard came closer, as if she were reluctant to admit something. Before Shepard could ask about those possibilities, the shuttle doors opened.

And Kaidan Alenko emerged from the shuttle.

Shepard paused a moment. Part of him wanted to greet Kaidan by racing to him, pulling him close, getting the reunion that circumstance had denied them both back on Horizon. Another part wanted to smack him upside the head for the way he’d reacted. Yet another was pointing out how he hadn’t exactly made it easy for Kaidan to see his side out there. Shepard told all his parts to shut up and wondered if he was going to have to speak with Miranda and Kelly about the possibility of the Lazarus Project causing him to develop multiple personalities.

It was all just a mental diversion, though. Because he really did not know what to say to Kaidan. There was so much that he wanted to say, so much that had been left unsaid, so much that had been said wrong...

Gently, Kaidan stepped forward towards him. “Shepard.”

“Kaidan.” For a moment, Shepard just stood there, looking and feeling awkward. He didn’t know what to say. Even with the letter that he’d left for Kaidan with Councilor Anderson, he didn’t know how Kaidan felt or if he had changed his mind since the encounter on Horizon.

However, Garrus did not feel the awkwardness. “Alenko,” he said, his voice almost a growl. Shepard hadn’t heard that much venom in his voice since he’d learned about Sidonis.

Kaidan seemed understanding of Garrus’s anger, however. “Garrus. I don’t suppose just saying I’m sorry about Horizon will clear things up?”

“Not at all,” Garrus countered.

Shepard was able to find a way out of the sea of awkward he’d found himself in and gave Garrus a pointed look. “I can defend myself, Garrus.” Looking awkward, Garrus stepped back, letting the Commander handle this himself.

With a brief glance at Miranda and Jacob, wordlessly asking if they had anything to contribute (they wisely did not), Shepard looked to Kaidan. “Are you sorry?”

“Very much so.” Now it was Kaidan’s turn to look awkward. “Shepard... Can we speak? In private?”

It was a good sign in Shepard’s book. He motioned to the lift at the back of the bay. The two Spectres entered the lift and were whisked up to the Commander’s private quarters. 

Most. Awkward. Elevator ride. Ever. And Shepard had been stuck in his fair share of elevators over the years.

When he finally took a breath to say something, the lift arrived. He motioned to the door and let Kaidan enter first. He glanced over to the small holographic display that EDI appeared through. “EDI, engage privacy seals,” he ordered.

“ _Privacy seals engaged, Shepard_ ,” came the response.

Realizing that the friendly feminine tones were too friendly for a VI, Kaidan, who had moved towards the bed in the back of the small space, looked to Shepard with a raised eyebrow. “EDI?”

Shepard had grown so used to having EDI unshackled, he’d forgotten that she was an AI and illegal in Council space. “Cerberus installed an AI on the ship. She quit when the rest of us did.” Kaidan still looked skeptical, and Shepard understood that. Upon first meeting EDI, he’d ordered her uninstalled, though she’d long since proven her worth and trustworthiness in the months since. “She’s helped us numerous times now, Kaidan. I’ve trusted her with my life.” 

“And after Horizon, you can’t say the same about me?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard shook his head. “Kaidan, I’ve never stopped trusting you. Not telling you about being alive wasn’t my choice, would never have been my choice. Cerberus didn’t even wake me up until two years had passed. Hell, I probably wasn’t even capable of being woken up until then. Literally, they rebuilt me, revived me. I’d have contacted you immediately if I’d been capable. You know this.” At least, Shepard hoped he did. He hoped that Kaidan had read his letter and not just tossed it immediately. 

To Shepard’s relief, Kaidan nodded. “I do. Admiral Anderson gave me your letter. I read it.”

It was a relief to hear, but Shepard still didn’t know what to make of the situation. “So... If you read it... Where does that leave us?”

“For the official record? I have to place you under arrest and take you back to Earth. Alliance Command wants to hold a trial, determine your guilt and involvement with regards to Cerberus and... the Bahak system.”

Shepard winced at the mention of the 300,000 lives that weighed on him. He knew that the war with the Reapers would involve sacrifice, that not everyone would make it out alive. He didn’t even know if it could be won, or if there’d be enough civilization left alive to actually continue if they did win. But there’d been nothing he could do to even try to help them. The asteroid that had held Object Rho and birthed the Project had been close enough to the Relay that when it was locked in on the collision course, he known that even if he could have gotten the batarians to believe him, there was no way that they could have assembled an evacuation plan to get everyone out of there in time, so he hadn’t even tried contacting them.

He looked to Kaidan, unsure how much of a chasm this had created between them. “How much have you heard about that?”

“I heard about the Cerberus activities, of course. Given some recent developments that the Alliance has discovered about Cerberus movements, I doubted you would go along with them if you know about them, but... You have to admit, if Cerberus put that much into putting you back together, letting you go so easily doesn’t seem in character.”

Shepard would rather discuss anything other than Cerberus. Unfortunately, the four eyed elephant was still in the room, and it was the other big subject weighing on them both. “Then you want to know about Bahak.”

“What happened, Shepard? I’ve spoken to Admiral Hackett, I know that he asked you to go and rescue Doctor Kenson from the batarians, and I know that the relay into the system was destroyed, but... I don’t know much more than that.”

So Shepard began telling him what had happened, from Admiral Hackett’s personal request, to the infiltration of the batarian prison and his subsequent rescue of Doctor Kenson and their escape, to learning that Object Rho had indoctrinated Doctor Kenson, right down to locking the asteroid into a collision course with the relay, the death of the doctor, and even his brief conversation with Harbinger right before the _Normandy_ picked him up. 

For a long moment, Kaidan was silent, taking in his story. “Shepard... Anyone ever tell you you’re absolutely incredible? I don’t know if I’d even still be on my feet after all of that.”

“To be honest, I have no idea how I am. I see batarian faces every night, every time I close my eyes. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since then.” He slumped into the couch, the weight of everything finally being allowed to hit him. He dropped his head into his hands, just so tired of dealing with everything, Reapers, Cerberus, batarians... He would push it back down when he had to leave this room, but right now, he couldn’t keep himself from feeling all of its weight. 

And that was when he felt arms around him, locking him into an embrace. He shuddered and felt himself loosen, though taking hold of Kaidan in a grip like he was the only remaining lifeline he had. Which, to an extent, he was.

And then, Kaidan’s voice was whispering in his ear. “I’m sorry, Shepard. I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I let you go without letting you explain. I’m here now. I’m here. I’m going to stay with you. You don’t have to do this alone. Not anymore.” It was everything that Shepard wanted to hear, what he needed to hear. 

It didn’t matter whose lips found whose first. All that mattered was that they were together again.

***

They at least made it to the bed. 

They’d spent several hours making up for lost time. Then, once they’d gotten too tired to continue, they just savored being together for the first time in almost three years, staying quiet until they’d fallen asleep. And when he did, Shepard had the first peaceful night’s sleep in weeks. The fact that he had a very attractive marine beside him to wake up to hadn’t hurt any either. 

“You know that I still have to officially arrest you,” Kaidan murmured in the ‘morning’ when they had both woken up.

“Did you bring any handcuffs with you?” Shepard asked, cracking a genuine smile. 

Kaidan rolled his eyes, though the act was tempered with a returning smile. “Shepard... This is serious. You’re going to have to go up against something worse than the Reapers.”

“I know. Politicians. God help me.” He looked to Kaidan. “But you’ll be there.”

“Absolutely.” He kissed Shepard for what could easily be the millionth time in the last twelve hours. Or possibly twenty-four. Time had lost any meaning for a while there. “I’m never going to leave you again.”

“I’m holding you to that promise, Alenko.”


End file.
